I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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