y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
