a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Found your dick twin last night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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