After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
