drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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