Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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