I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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