i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
