Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We smell like vodka and hangover
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
