mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
