ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
