My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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