my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
