Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
