You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
