i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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