I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
