She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
