i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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