In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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