any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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