I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
