Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
