Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
