just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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