Screwed.edu
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
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