Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
