i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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