Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Bring me that man meat
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
how drunk are you?
Several
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
