i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
