Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
