i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
