We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
