Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
