He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
