Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
