just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
