i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
