god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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