OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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