i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
