today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
