your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
