grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
