last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
