I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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