check it out our google latitudes are spooning
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
