i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So squirting runs in the family.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
