Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
