I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
