Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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